Tangina!

Tangina talaga!

Ba't ganun? It sucks to use GUILT to get your way! You of all people should know the meaning of "living your own life". After all, this is what you've been hammering into my head since day one, remember? I just do not understand it that when it comes to actually doing this, you have to suddenly drop emotional bombs like the ones you've been texting since last night.

WTF!?!? How can you even think that way? He certainly does NOT think that way of me, so how could you? My own flesh and blood?!?

Friends tell me you're just being "concerned", but hell, ever since i've known it you have beentrying to sabotage my life with all that emotional drama. Even when i was young, you would think that any relationship i had with the opposite sex was conniving and bad. Pucha, kasalanan ko ba na mga karamihan sa mga kaibigan ko lalaki? Ganun ba? Pokpok na ba ako dahil dun? Hindi mo man lang naisip na marami akong kaibigan na lalaki dahil trip ko mga trip nila, at walang masamang intensyon ang mga ito sakin? Tsaka, ano ang hinaharap mo sa kanila? Hypocritical bullshit. Leche. You of all people should know about this since you've had your share of hypocritical bullshit from your enemies, even from family.

You say that i will end up like people you know who fucked up their lives. Shit, after all the lectures and "advices" i've gotten these past years, i was NOT the one who ended up pregnant, miserable and without a freaking idea of what i want in life. Those who told me shit like that were the ones who did. Just because i chose not to be an overachiever and actually enjoy living my life does NOT mean that i am squandering it away. In fact, i am living it, not exactly the way YOU want it, but the way I WANT it.

I am not one of those girls to sit idly by and let everything just "come" like that foolish notion of a guy who will "save" me from whatever shit i am in, or get me out of mediocrity and bring me to the "happy ever after" part of life. I AM NOT LIKE THAT and you know it. So why all the fucking melodrama? Why do you want to make me feel bad about something i have consciously thought about, decided and took pains on working at? Why are so fucking scared that i am --*gasp!* -- HAPPY?

It's not that i don't heed your advice or give you respect or whatever the hell it is you want from me. All i know is this: I have thought about this, we have discussed this, he is fine with it, so are everybody else; i assumed, since you welcomed him and all, so would you. After all, I am friggin' 24!! And yes, i was NOT coerced, nor did i get into this blindly as you may think i did. I thought this through, i have my own reasons for doing this. Do not make me feel cheap and embarassed by my decision by telling me that i am. You only think that way because of your concern? PLEASE. The fact that you think that way about me only shows me how much you really think about your own spawn. *sigh* And i thought we were ok.

FUCK this.

I hate the fact that you use that meternal hold and parental guilt trip even until now. SHIT. Salamat sa pagtitiwala mo sakin. Even after everything we've talked about in the past, where the fuck is the trust?!!?